My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
