ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
