Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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