Where did you get a picture of my penis
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
