He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
