When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
love makes seman taste better
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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