Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
