The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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