not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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