Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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