Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Every concussion has its silver lining
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
