At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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