I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
