So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize