I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
