I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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