I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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