God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
