...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
