Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize