My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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