Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
