I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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