well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
