I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
