did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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