Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize