you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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