i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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