The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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