how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
