Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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