i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
