Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
