I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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