Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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