Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
