Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
