Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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