I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize