I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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