I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
