sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
