i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
