Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Let's get the cat blown out
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
