Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
