If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
