I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
