My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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