I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
