the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
