last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
