Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize