i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
