Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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