Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
