Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
