dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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