Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
