"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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