dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
