I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
