Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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