Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The uberlube is also flammable
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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