Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
