Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
