We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
