Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
